When my wife and I first got married, she had no idea that I was a foamer and a model railroader to boot. I never had room for a layout where I lived after I left home and my N scale layout that I built in high school was pretty trashed after being in storage for ten years. We bought a house and I retrieved what was left of it and all my trains which survived much better. I was tinkering with building a modular system that I could plop out on the floor or a table top. It worked but was not ideal. About that time my wife introduced me to two of her co-workers who were into NTRAK big time. I was sucked into that organization and the rest was history. She can only blame herself. Although she never got involved in model railroading she likes to go to the model train conventions and ride trains with me whenever she can.
She sure does. She at least knows where I am. As a side note -- we've been hitched for 34 years!! Thanks, Wolf
Well, she agreed to go to Portland last summer for NMRA/NTS, and that weekend was our 35th anniversary! Of course, there was also then the slow drive down the Oregon & NorCal coast, with B&B stops, on the way home.
My wife recounts our first date, where after dinner I suggested that we drive past the engine terminal at the local railyard. Unbeknownst to me, she was frightened. A guy she didn't know was driving her through a lousy part of town. Afterward she understood that all was well and that I really did just want to see what locomotives were in town! She doesn't work on the model trains, but sometimes railfans. She loves to hike, so anything outdoors is okay with her. She also makes a good videographer!
You who have the support of your wife are very lucky. My wife has told me that if I die before her, she will throw all my train stuff in the trash before arranging my burial. We have been married 41 years and have 4 children, 4 grandchildren. She just gets unreasonable when I mention my hobby, she accepts that I spend just about every Tuesday at the Model Railroad Club I belong to and will be gone for about 8 train shows per year. She has recently been diagnosed with atrophy of the cerebellum and that might be the cause of her problem with my hobby.
Interesting post casmmr. A few years ago my Mom suggested that we visit a recently widowed woman "who's husband had some train books". We went over to see. His collection was of common books and wasn't of much interest to me. The woman spoke at length about her husband's hobby "that she never understood" and on it went for quite some time. I didn't know the fellow, but I felt sorry for him. I couldn't help but wonder why the woman remained so agitated over his hobby, especially in view of his very modest book collection. He surely hadn't overspent!
Let's keep it real here. I get all the support in my hobby until the credit card bill rolls in, and I have to remind her of the gift she gave me She keeps me motivated to get my layout progressing. Peace be with you, Arthur
Not so much supports my addiction as tolerates it. I've never heard her say I can't buy an item I'm interested in. However, if I get carried away in a particular month buying stuff she reminds me the checking account is co-owned and she gets a chance to buy her own "toys" of the same value.
My soon to be wife and I have been living together for over four years this May and she has had plenty of opportunities to either leave me and my toy trains or stay. She is not into it what so ever but she enjoys the historical aspects of it and knows where I am. I don't spend a lot on the hobby so that is never an issue, in fact the hobby pays for itself in the painting I do for others. She certainly has nothing bad to say about it unlike my previous hobby of boring model airplanes into the ground!
Casmmr, my condolences on your situation. I suspect that as many of us age, we will see the beginnings of dementia, or even full-blown cases, in our significant others. But, if it occurs in US, WE will NOT see it. That is the problem: the person suffering dementia-related personality changes does not recognize or admit to those changes, nor the problems they cause with relationships. Destructive spite becomes a real issue. Logic is not effective or respected - it may even be resented. Agreements reached now may not be respected in the future, maybe even the NEAR future. It is a scary thing. I hope you are fortunate in the outcome, but I hope you plan realistically for the potential of bad things to come. Steve
Mine too. I wish I could say you aren't in for a rough time, but I fear Steve knows what he's talking about. If you have kids or grandkids who share your enthusiasm, you might respond to those threats with, 'that would sure hurt Johnny, who wants that stuff.'. You might even consider letting "Johnny" inherit it before you go...
I'm happy to say my wife of 18 years (well, 17 years, 50 weeks) fully supports my hobby/addiction. She's not "into it" herself, but she likes that I have something enjoyable and relatively harmless to relax and blow off steam with. She'll go with me on railfanning trips (she likes to needlepoint or knit while we are sitting), will buy me train-related gifts, and is happy to ooh-and-aah over my latest modeling accomplishment. Of course, in balance, we work the train expenses into an appropriate place in the budget, likewise with space allocation and any other "major" decisions which are discussed and agreed upon together, and I make it clear that the trains have their proper place in the overall scheme of the household and relationship -- as a hobby, not an obsession. In all, I couldn't ask for better.